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A Disabled Jewish Lesbian Time Loop Story: Time and Time Again by Chatham Greenfield

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Time and Time Again by Chatham Greenfield cover

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I love a time loop story, so I had to pick up up this sapphic YA take on the trope—especially one with with fat and disabled characters on the cover!

In the first chapter, Phoebe is living August 6th for the 26th time in a row. Every day is the same, and every day she does the same thing, including eating pancakes with her mom, playing Scrabble at her dad’s place, researching time loop stories, and ending the day with a painful IBS flare-up. Then, one August 6th goes a little differently: she steps off the curb a little later than usual and is hit by a car—gently. Jess is driving, and now they’re stuck looping with Phoebe.

Phoebe and Jess used to be close childhood friends until their fathers argued and they stopped being allowed to see each other. Now, they’re the only out lesbians at their school. They’re also both Jewish and disabled, and they immediately settle into their old friendship again—but Phoebe worries if Jess will have time for her after they return to real life.

This is the most relaxed time loop story I’ve ever read. Neither of them seem particularly worried or in a hurry about breaking the loop. They do talk about it, but they don’t panic. In fact, they sometimes are reluctant to return to their time, though Phoebe is counting down the days until she can see a doctor who might actually by able to help with her health problems and not just tell her to lose weight.

They also don’t do what I associate with time loop stories, where they have a montage of whacky or deadly experiences they would never do in real life. They do get revenge on a bully at one point, but it’s not a big departure from typical teen activities. They drive to a different state or go to a concert or shave their heads—all pretty mild reactions to having endless do-overs.

That’s not a complaint, to be clear! Part of what I liked about Time and Time Again is how it used the time loop format in a different way. (The ending also resolved timelines in a way I haven’t seen before, and it explains some other choices in the plot.) It makes perfect sense that Phoebe is stuck in time, because she already feels lost and aimless. The end of high school approaches, and she doesn’t know what she wants to do afterwards. Her anxiety prevents her from taking chances and trying new things, including driving. (Same.) It doesn’t feel like a sci-fi story as much as a metaphor for what’s already going on in her life.

As you’d expect, then, the focus is much more on the characters and their relationship to each other. It’s so nice to read a book with a romance between disabled Jewish lesbians: that kind of representation is still pretty rare, and especially when it’s both main characters. (Jess is also nonbinary.)

If you like time loop stories and don’t need them to be action-packed sci-fi stories, I definitely recommend this one. I’m happy to see this book came out of a fellowship from Reese’s Book Club: I’ll definitely be watching to see which other books are published through LitUp! Hopefully this means that stories like Time and Time Again get the marketing push to put them into more readers’ hands.

A Very Queer Gothic Ghost Story: The Narrow by Kate Alice Marshall

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the cover of The Narrow

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When I got a promotional email about this book, I asked the publisher if there was a queer main character, because I couldn’t tell from the description. It’s funny that I had to clarify, because this is a very queer book: the main character is bisexual, there’s an F/F romance, and there are several queer side characters. It’s a bit tricky to discuss without spoiling anything, but you can be assured of that.

This is a contemporary YA gothic with elements of dark academia. Eden goes to Atwood boarding school to escape from her unstable and sometimes dangerous home life. Her parents just spent so much money on their brother’s legal fees, though, that there’s nothing left for tuition. The school offers her a solution: she can stay tuition-free if she agrees to be Delphine’s companion.

Delphine was once Eden’s roommate. Then, one night, Eden and her best friend jumped the Narrow—a river running by the school that’s claimed many lives. The two of them landed safely on the other side, but Delphine, who had followed behind them, fell in. No one survives falling into the river, but by the time Eden returns to her room, Delphine has returned, soaking wet but otherwise apparently unharmed. Except, Delphine is different now. She lives in a building on Atwood grounds, completely isolated. She gets ill if a drop of unfiltered water touches her.

So, every year, her parents pay the tuition of a girl who will be her companion. They decontaminate themselves on the way in and keep Delphine company, staying there at night. Eden isn’t eager to take the offer—she’s never talked to Delphine about what happened that night—but she has no other options, so she takes the deal. Soon, she finds ominous notes left from the last companion, who was taken off campus suddenly.

Although their initial interactions are awkward, Eden is intrigued by Delphine. She’s not quite the girl she knew before. Her isolation has made her blunt, with a different perspective on things. Eden is surprised to find herself falling for her. And as she does, she is determined to figure out what’s really plaguing Eden, because it’s not medical—and it seems to be coming for her, too.

Eden and Delphine’s dynamic is interesting because Eden has a solid group of friends at school that she loves—but she also lies to them constantly. She doesn’t feel like she can tell them about her home life, or what happened the summer before. That’s why she hides her still-healing injuries and dodges personal questions. Delphine, though, asks Eden to promise not to lie to her: she doesn’t need Eden to like her, but she needs her to be honest about it. Eden finds herself being more vulnerable with this virtual stranger than she can be with her friends.

This friend group is another strength of the story, even though they don’t take centre stage. The three of them are all high achievers in their chosen fields: they’re artists, athletes, and academics. Eden feels like she can’t live up to the standards they set, that she’s an outsider in her own inner circle. Her issues with self-worth are tied up with her home life, and (possibly) depression. As things at Abigail House get more dangerous, she has to decide how much she values her own life.

The element I thought was most interesting in the book is also a spoiler, though. (Highlight to read:) If there’s anything better than a sapphic ghost story, it’s a sapphic ghost story where the ghost is also sapphic! There is an abusive sapphic character, which some readers always object to, but I think since there are 3-4 queer women main characters, it worked for me. (Also, I think it’s worth depicting abusive queer relationships, too. That’s why In the Dream House is so crucial.)

I also thought it was fun to read a ghost story where the ghost is very corporeal. I’m used to gothic ghost stories where the first part of the book, at least, it’s unclear whether the main character is just imagining things, but this ghost is hard to deny.

When I got near the end of the book, I realized there were several possible endings that I would not have appreciated. Luckily, it nailed the landing for me. If you’re a fan of reading YA horror or gothic novels, I highly recommend picking this one up ASAP!

Content warnings: depression, unspecified mental health issues, abuse, violence, discussion of homophobia

The Queer Graphic Novel That Had Me Sobbing at 3 A.M.: The Deep Dark by Molly Knox Ostertag

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The Deep Dark cover

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You’re all fired for not tell me how good this is.

I liked The Girl From the Sea, so I put a hold on Ostertag’s newest sapphic graphic novel, but I hadn’t heard anything about it, so I my expectations were pretty grounded. I definitely didn’t realize it was almost 500 pages; not the one-sitting read I was expecting… or so I thought.

I started reading this before bed, fully intending to get through a chapter or two before going to sleep. Instead, I was glued to the page until I finished it, after which I fully started not just crying but sobbing to myself. (It probably wasn’t 3 A.M., but give me some creative liberty here.) My roommate had to patiently listen to me weepily describe how good this book was. And then he offered me a chocolate chip cookie, which I definitely needed.

This review will have minor spoilers: the back doesn’t tell you what it is that happens in the basement every night, but it’s revealed early in the story. This is about Mags, a teenager who is trying to balance being the primary caregiver to her ailing grandmother, going to school, holding down a part-time job—and feeding her monster. Every night, she descends into the basement, offering her hand for the monster to feed from. It means she doesn’t get a lot of sleep on top of everything else, and it means she feels isolated: how could she ever have a real relationship, when she has such a terrible secret?

Mags is sleepwalking through life, as we can tell from the washed-out colour palette. She’s sleeping with a classmate from school who has a boyfriend. She doesn’t have a social life outside of these secret hook ups. Then, a childhood friend reappears: Nessa. Nessa is bisexual and trans, and she knows Mags’s secret already, because Mags told her when they were kids… except Nessa thinks she imagined it all. As Mags and Nessa spend more time together, Mags begins to wish for more from her life.

My heart broke for Mags, who is carrying so much on her shoulders. Her mother is horrified by her monster and stays distant from her. She thinks, “Mom says I’m so mature. And that’s code for not her problem anymore.” Her abuela is the one who forced her to start feeding her monster as a kid and to keep it a locked away secret. Her uncle, who was the other person in her family in the same situation, ran away with his monster and was never heard from again. She feels alone and like she doesn’t deserve real connection or support. She’s so tired that she’s beginning to faint at random times, and it’s obvious she can’t keep this up forever.

Ultimately, this is a story about accepting and loving the darkest, angriest parts of yourself—and allowing other people to love you in your entirety. Nessa offers Mags a glimpse of a possibility outside of just isolating herself. It’s painful and difficult, but it’s worth it.

As the title warns, this isn’t a light read. On top of Mags’s difficult emotional state and the discussions of intergenerational trauma, Nessa is also recovering from an abusive relationship, one that turned into stalking after they broke up. I also want to give content warnings for violence, death, child death, gun violence, and threatening suicide.

I did not mean to read this in one sitting, but I’m glad I did. I was immersed in this story, and I felt so deeply for Mags. It made the ending cathartic—hence the sobbing. This was obviously written from a personal place, and it’s so effective. This is a new favourite.

A Campy Queer Bigfoot Horror Comedy: Patricia Wants to Cuddle by Samantha Allen

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the cover of Patricia Wants to Cuddle

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I finally got around to reading a book that’s been on my TBR for years: Patricia Wants to Cuddle. This is a campy horror comedy about a season of what’s essentially The Bachelor that takes place on a remote Pacific Northwest island, where they begin to see a shadowy humanoid figure in the woods.

It took me a while to get into this book, but I stuck with it because of the fun premise. We get a lot of point of view characters, including the final four contestants of The Catch and their wrangler, plus letters from a lesbian couple years ago who are trying to escape their homophobic small town together. Aside from those letters, all of the women hate each other and are acting catty. One is the wrangler who loves this stupid show but judges all the contestants, one is a born again Christian trying to use her platform to spread the good word, one is genuinely trying to get the guy—while also being the villain of the season, one is an influencer trying to increase her follower count, and one—Renee—is trying to be first Black woman in the finale.

All of the point of view characters judge the others. One is constantly picking fights, especially with the goodie two shoes religious contestant. They all think their reason for being here is legitimate and the rest are shallow. This makes sense for the premise, but I found it tiring to read about a bunch of women all hating each other. Luckily, that’s only the first part of the story.

If there’s one main character, it’s Renee. Renee is queer and has no interest in the guy they’re supposed to be competing for. She was nominated by coworkers and is just going along with it, the same way she feels like she’s sleepwalking through the rest of her life. The longer she stays on the show, the more unbearable it becomes, but she’s sticking it our for the free trip she gets when they get to the final two—a trip she knows she’ll go on, because the producers have already let slip that they want her in the finale because they want the “first” of having a Black women in the final two, even though they know the Catch will not choose her in the end.

As strange things begin happening on the island—and a contestant disappears—Renee begins to imagine a new life for herself, one where she feels truly alive.

I’m glad I pushed through the beginning of this book, because the ending is campy queer horror with a fun twist: a lesbian bigfoot cult! That I was not expecting. If you like satirical horror, I definitely recommend this one: it’s weird and has lots of lesbians. What more could you want?

Content warnings for gore, religious homophobia, and racism.

Queer Cozy Fantasy with Magical Animal Shenanigans: The Phoenix Keeper by S.A. MacLean

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The Phoenix Keeper cover

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I’m animal lover who’s always looking for more cozy queer fantasy, so this book seemed tailor made for me. It follows Aila, a phoenix keeper at a magical zoo who is trying to restart their phoenix breeding program to help bring the phoenixes back from the brink of extinction. In classic cozy fantasy fashion, that’s pretty much the whole plot, though there is a romance subplot or two.

In some ways, this was exactly what I wanted. There are magical animal shenanigans. There are fairly low stakes—though the threat of poachers was enough stress for me. There’s an adorable supportive friendship between Aila and fellow zookeeper Tanya, a Black trans woman with a golden retriever (…not literally) boyfriend who works at an animal rescue. There’s a queernorm world. Even though this is close to 500 pages and doesn’t have a lot of plot, I didn’t mind: I loved being immersed in the world of these magical creatures. I may feel conflicted about zoos in real life, but it was easy to fall in love with this version. I also liked the romance between Aila and Luciana: they were rivals in university and have continued that animosity years later, but after working together on the phoenix program, they begin to realize they may have misunderstood each other. I would have liked to see more of this romance—maybe even a steamy scene—but I enjoyed what we have. The rivalry turned affectionate teasing is cute.

Other elements didn’t work as well for me. The writing could be overly descriptive, especially in describing every biome in this fantasy world. I also saw the ending/reveal coming about 400 pages away, which is particularly distracting when there isn’t much plot to begin with and I usually am terrible at spotting clues, so it felt way too heavily hinted at. Also, call me overly leftist, but I don’t want guns and police in my cozy fantasy novel, especially the police as saviors.

I ended up being most distracted by Aila herself. I liked her character, but she seemed heavily coded as autistic to me, and there’s no mention of that on the page—though she is diagnosed with anxiety, and the marketing emphasizes the anxiety representation. Aila has an intense special interest: she spends almost every waking moment thinking about phoenixes. She not only has trouble with social situations but is confused by social norms. She bounces when she’s excited or emotional. Looking through reviews, many people felt the same way, including autistic readers. To me, it seems strange to have her character discuss and be diagnosed with anxiety without mentioning autism.

That’s just a slightly confusing choice by the author, though, and not necessarily a negative. I enjoyed Aila’s character growth over the course of the book. She is so focused on the phoenixes that she can get tunnel vision, forgetting that there are other things going on—like Tanya’s volunteer project proposal, which she is working on while helping Aila with her project. She also is judgmental about Luciana’s griffin show, which she finds gaudy, not recognizing that donations and zoo membership are crucial to keeping programs like hers going. Slowly, she begins to realize these things and make up for them. She also takes a few tentative steps towards embracing the public-facing role of a zookeeper, while never being magically cured of her social anxiety.

As part of this character growth, Aila—who would always rather hide in a corner with her animals than do something social—begins to accept that she is part of a social network. She strives to better take care of her friendships and to recognize the value of professional relationships, even if she feels awkward about it. At the same time, she gains self-confidence, no longer taking as personally the judgments of her as shy, childish, “too much”, or awkward—especially after a short-lived romance with the dragon keeper had her doubting herself.

This isn’t a perfect book, but I still really enjoyed reading it, and I recommend it for fans of cozy fantasy. I look forward to seeing what S.A. Maclean writes next.

A Love Letter to Summer Camp: Wish You Weren’t Here by Erin Baldwin

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Wish You Weren't Here cover

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Enemies to lovers is a popular trope, but most people don’t have full-on nemeses in real life. So in contemporary settings, rivals to lovers is more common: the people you compete with, argue with, and hate. Wish You Weren’t Here presents a lower stakes version of even this: what if you fall in love with the girl from your class who annoys you? You’ve never had a full-on fight, but you both avoid each other and are snippy around each other. That’s the vibe of Juliette and Priya.

As you can imagine, this isn’t the same stakes as a typical fantasy novel’s enemies to lovers story, where you’re both trying to murder each other at every chance. At first, I thought it was too little conflict to be interesting, but as the story continued, I started to appreciate the dynamic. This isn’t the fine line between love and hate, kissing each other in a moment of passion. It’s the confusing moment of seeing someone in a different light—writing someone off and then seeing that they’re very different than you imagined them to be.

The other big factor in this teen sapphic romance is the setting. Wish You Weren’t Here is an unapologetic love letter to summer camp. It’s the only place Juliette feels she can entirely herself. Everywhere else, she’s too “intense.” Here, she’s celebrated for it. That’s why she has such a hard time when popular, rich girl Priya shows up to steal the spotlight: this is supposed to be her safe place. Priya gets everything else, so why does she get to take this from her?

At Fogridge Sleepaway Camp, lifelong friendships are forged. Campers see each other year after year and develop their own inside jokes based on shared history. Juliette adores this place and knows it inside and out; she clashes with a new counsellor partly because she can’t help but consider herself more of an expert and authority on camp. It’s interesting, because I went to summer camp every year, but this is a whole different vibe than my experience. For me, summer camp was a way to reinvent yourself, but it existed in a bubble—I pretty much never saw the same campers year to year. It’s interesting that in the author’s note, she says that she fell in love with summer camp as an adult counselor. Obviously, summer camp means different things to different people, and it was fun to get a glimpse of this version.

I wasn’t sold on this story in first half, partly because while Priya and Juliette bickered—mostly because of Juliette’s prickly personality—there wasn’t that much conflict overall. (Also, the scene with her and her six siblings stressed me out! No wonder she can’t wait to escape to summer camp.) The second half got me, though, because I thought the flirting and tension between them as their relationship shifted was so well done.

I ended up enjoying this more than I thought I would, and it was such a fun summer read. I read this partially in print and partly as an audiobook, and I recommend both. The short chapters—all of which have fun titles—make this a quick read, and I think anyone who has a soft spot for summer camp will get a dose of nostalgia. (Follow this up with That Summer Feeling by Bridget Morrissey if you start dreaming about adult summer camp!)

A Decadent Bi4Bi Romance: The Pairing by Casey McQuiston

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The Pairing cover

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[I] wonder if heartbreak will fuck you if you learn to love it enough.

It feels unnecessary to recommend the new Casey McQuiston romance, given how incredibly popular Red, White, and Royal Blue and One Last Stop are. I’m sure this will also get a ton of press and publicity. But I just can’t help it: I loved this book. 2024 has been an incredible romance reading year for me — all of my top three romance books I’ve ever read came out this year. The Pairing (August 6, 2024) is a decadent, sensual trip through food, wine, Europe, and a very queer bi4bi (M/NB) relationship.

Theo and Kit were best friends who grew up together and then started dating. Their lives were completely intertwined until they had a huge fight during their flight to their dream vacation, a food- and wine-tasting guided tour through France, Spain, and Italy. As soon as their plane landed, they went their separate ways and haven’t seen each other since. The tour, though, was nonrefundable, and four years later, the voucher is about to expire. So, Theo books the trip in the last month possible… and then arrives to find that Kit had the same idea, and they’re stuck together for the next three weeks. Along the way, they make a bet about who can sleep with the most people during the trip, but despite the distractions, Theo is having trouble suppressing those familiar feelings resurfacing for Kit.

Let me start here: The Pairing is such a great representation of the queerness of bisexuality. (If you’re not a fan of any depictions of bisexuals being promiscuous, you can skip this one, but it’s all consensual and there’s no cheating.) Not only are both of them sleeping with people of any gender, but I also was charmed by Theo and Kit discovering that after four years, despite having different genders, they have almost identical hairstyles and outfits. Amazing. (Theo is nonbinary, but we don’t find that out until well into the book.) I love these bisexual sluts. (As they self-identify—in fact, the working title of this book was Sluts in Europe.)

While the competition is a good way to pitch this book, it’s really not the focus. Instead, it’s about Theo and Kit’s tenuous new friendship—specifically, the yearning. THE YEARNING. This is such an interesting set up of best friends to lovers to exes to second chance romance. They know each other so well—but they also don’t know anything about the last four years in their lives, and they’ve both changed considerably. They’ve slept together countless times, but the sexual tension is unparalleled. It’s very obvious to the reader—both because we know this is a romance novel and because it’s obvious to absolutely everyone but the two of them—that they’re falling for each other again, but they both think it’s one sided, which leads to them doing things like making out with other people while holding eye contact with each other. And then pretending it doesn’t mean anything!! Absolutely ridiculous. (Which I mean as a compliment.)

The tension and sexcapades through Europe is decadent enough, but Theo is also an aspiring sommelier and Kit is a professional pastry chef. They take their food and drinks very seriously, which means it’s described in mouth-watering detail. And that’s not even counting traveling through some of the most beautiful locales in Europe. The sex, food, travel, and tension give this such a decadent, luxurious, almost overwhelming mood. Read this while eating chocolate truffles and lounging poolside.

And then, of course, there’s the romance. I’m used to dual point of view romance novels alternating between them, but The Pairing is a little difference. We get Theo’s POV in the first half and Kit’s afterwards, meaning we watch Theo reluctantly fall back in love with Kit while thinking he doesn’t feel the same way. Theo worked very hard to try to get over him, but they were never able to completely put it behind them, feeling like relationships weren’t worth trying again: “The thought of starting from scratch, the ordeal of rebuilding something I already spent my whole life building with someone else—it’s exhausting. It’s a fucking Olympic triathlon of mortifying vulnerability, and at the end, I might not even like them as much as I liked Kit.”

I know enemies to lovers is the more popular trope, but I think best friend to lovers is severely underrated, and this couple shows why. It shows what it’s like to be known and loved for every part of you, for all the sedimentary layers of who you once were and who you have become. It’s being loved by someone who knows every facet of you, who’s seen the worst of you.

Part of what I loved so much about this book is the second half, Kit’s section, so I have to include a spoiler paragraph here. (Even though it’s not really a spoiler, because you know which genre you’re reading.)

(Spoilers, highlight to read.) It is so effective to go from Theo’s reluctant, hesitant falling back in love to Kit’s perspective, who never stopped loving Theo. He absolutely adores them, which also hits so much harder because we’ve seen how self-conscious Theo is about certain things. (Including executive functioning and memory problems that are ADHD-coded.) When he learns new things about Theo, things that have changed in the last four years, he thinks, “What a wonder, what a miracle: somehow, more of [them].” When Theo comes out as nonbinary, Kit immediately switches pronouns and affirms their gender, and we can see how he’s genuinely always admired Theo’s masculinity and their femininity.

Kit has been so head-over-heels in love with and heartbroken over Theo this whole time, trying to distract himself but never giving up hope. He reads and references poetry about love and heartbreak, resulting in lines like “I am half agony, half hard” and “[I] wonder if heartbreak will fuck you if you learn to love it enough.” His absolutely adoration of Theo truly sets an unattainable standard for romance. (End of spoilers.)

I went into this with high expectations, but The Pairing still exceeded them. And yes, I cried. This might be the perfect summer romance read.

Beware the Fae (Even When Gay): The Pale Queen by Ethan M. Aldridge

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The Pale Queen cover

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I just want to bask for a moment in the reality that we live in a time where an author can go to a major publisher and say, “Here’s my pitch for a book: a sapphic gothic romance graphic novel for middle schoolers” and get a yes. I’m so glad that we do, because I loved this book. The artwork is gorgeous, especially the landscapes that establish the setting. It also perfectly captures a dark fairy tale tone, both with the artwork and the references to folklore.

This is about Agatha, a girl in a small town who has always dreamed of becoming an astronomer. When she meets a mysterious woman called the Lady of the Hills, she’s given a hagstone that leads her into a secret, magical realm. She’s delighted by being able to visit this world and befriends one of the Folk of the Hills, but when she makes a new friend (and crush) in town, the Lady grows jealous and vengeful.

My only complaint with this is the romance happens very quickly, but this is a one-volume graphic novel, so it kind of has to. The Pale Queen really feels like a classic fairy tale/folk tale, including the favours that Agatha has to do for the Lady of the Hills, like telling a story to a troll to stop him from waking up and destroying the town, or guarding a flower that only blooms when the full moon is directly overhead.

This reminded me of Other Ever Afters: New Queer Fairy Tales by Mel Gillman, both in terms of the art (which I love) and the feeling of a classic fairy tale. It makes me very happy to see both kids’ books and fairy tales become more inclusive of queer people. I highly recommend this one.

A Rapidfire History of Queer Women’s Spaces: A Place of Our Own by June Thomas

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A Place of Our Own cover

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This year, I’m doing the 2024 Read Harder Challenge—well, I should hope I am, because I’m the one running the challenge and writing the newsletter this time! (You can subscribe if you want recommendations plus weekly updates on my reading, though some of it is for paid subscribers.) One of the tasks is to ask a librarian for a recommendation, so I asked a librarian friend of mine, and they recommended this one. A Place of Our Own: Six Spaces That Shaped Queer Women’s Culture is just what it sounds like: an exploration of queer women’s spaces, including lesbian bars, feminist bookstores, softball fields, lesbian separatist communities, sex toy stores, and queer women events.

I really liked the idea of this book, and it’s written in an accessible, easy-to-read style, so don’t be worried if you don’t read a ton of nonfiction or history books. There are plenty of interesting facts packed in. For example, I was surprised to see acclaimed children’s book author Jacqueline Woodson pop as someone who fought against racism in lesbian event spaces. The feminist bookstores chapter especially made me nostalgic for a time I didn’t really live through: you really see how much the bookstore owners cared and how they truly created community centres, unlike so many stores that claim that today without doing a fraction of the work these bookstore owners were doing.

At the same time, I think this book had a lot more potential. It felt a bit scattered, jumping around in time within chapters. It also sometimes went on tangents—like talking about Harvey Milk starting a camera store—that don’t really fit into the theme and would have been better left to a footnote. Also, a few times the book skims over what seem like the most interesting stories, like offhandedly mentioning a lesbian bar being firebombed in one sentence but going into depth about the history of another bar instead.

The author is clearly passionate about this subject; they include a lot of personal interviews with the subjects. It sometimes feels like a friend getting so excited to tell you about their interest that they go in a bunch of different directions at once, for better or for worse. There are some really interesting aspects, like reflecting on how lesbian bars are expected to be all things for all queer women: inclusive, but an escape from men and the straight world. A place for dancing and cruising, but also a place where people can chat and find community without having to yell over the music. A high-end cocktail bar and a cheap place for beer. That’s something I also appreciated in Moby Dyke: An Obsessive Quest to Track Down the Last Remaining Lesbian Bars in America by Krista Burton.

I’m glad I read this, but it’s not one I can whole-heartedly recommend because of that scattered feeling. It can also at times feel overly apologetic of the transphobia and racism of these spaces in different decades—but then later calls it out explicitly. In some ways, I think it’s an impossible task to try to cover all of these different histories in one book. I think I prefer reading about just one of these categories in greater depth. Still, if this looks interesting to you, it’s worth picking up. Just be prepared to fall down a few rabbit holes along the way.

How Much Would You Sacrifice for Fame?: Every Time You Hear That Song by Jenna Voris

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Every Time You Hear That Song by Jenna Voris cover

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I won’t be able to get through this review without mentioning The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, so let me get the comparison out of the way now. Like Evelyn Hugo, this cover likely doesn’t scream “queer story,” but it is—twice over, actually. Like Evelyn Hugo, we’re alternating between two stories, one of which is an ambitious queer woman trying to make it in an industry and time period that required being closeted. I’m definitely tempted to recommend this one to fans of Evelyn Hugo, but it has some big differences, not least of which is that this is a young adult novel.

Our main character is Darren, a seventeen-year-old aspiring journalist who can’t wait to get out of her hometown of Mayberry, Arkansas. The only thing Mayberry ever produced to put it on the map is country music legend Decklee Castle—and Decklee left as soon as she could. Darren and her mother are big fans; her music helped the two of them get through her mother’s cancer treatment. When they watch Decklee’s televised funeral, they learn that she put together a treasure hunt to begin after her death. The prize at the end is three million dollars and a new album of Decklee’s music—enough money to pay off Darren’s mother’s medical debt and get her into a good university. So she convinces her coworker with a car, Kendall, to come with her to decipher the clues hidden in Decklee’s lyrics. Meanwhile, we flash back to Decklee’s life, beginning with her running away from her childhood home in Mayberry in the middle of the night.

Last time, I promise: like Evelyn Hugo, Decklee Castle is a fascinating character. She’s ruthlessly ambitious and loves nothing more than to be on stage. She’s willing to sacrifice a lot—almost everything—for fame. When she and songwriter Mickenlee Hooper fall for each other, she goes to great lengths to conceal their relationship from the press. Decklee isn’t a likable character. She’s believable, but she’s not exactly sympathetic. To be honest, I find that refreshing in a queer character. Decklee is talented and hardworking, but she is also callous and selfish. Darren considers her a role model because she got out of Mayberry and also because Dareen suspects Decklee was queer and Darren is trying to come to grips with her own bisexuality. The more she learns about her, though, the more she begins to realize that her image of Decklee isn’t true to life.

While we alternate between Decklee and Darren’s perspectives, this is Darren’s story. As Kendall and Darren spend more time together, Darren begins to see him in a different light—and she’s surprised that he sees the good in Mayberry. In fact, he’s offended that she seems to hate it so much. He points out that she’s buying into racist and classist narratives about the South and argues that she loves Mayberry, that you can see her passion for their hometown in her writing about it. As they fall for each other, this tension between his commitment to stay and her determination to leave simmers underneath the surface.

I could easily pitch this as a road trip story, a scavenger hunt, a tell-all about a fictional celebrity, but that doesn’t really match the vibes. Above all, this is about relationships, ambition, and what you’re willing to sacrifice to get what you want. While both Decklee and Dareen have love stories, this isn’t a romance. It’s bittersweet, and Decklee’s story is a warning for Darren.

I think the way these stories play out together is really well done, and I liked Dareen’s subplot of coming out as bisexual. Both couples in the alternating timelines have interesting dynamics, and Decklee’s friend Marquel1 was a breakout character, especially as he shows an alternate approach to being queer in an industry that does not accept that. I listened the audiobook, and I think it works well that way: there are two different narrators, so it’s easy to keep the stories separate. I highly recommend this one.

  1. I listened to the audiobook, so I’m not sure if that’s how you spell it. ↩︎