Newly released this month, Alexis Henderson’s young adult debut, When I Was Death, brings the author’s signature fantastical horror to a meditation on grief and coming of age.
In the year since protagonist Roslyn lost her sister, Adeline, she’s almost completely disconnected from her life. The mysterious circumstances surrounding Adeline’s loss have cast an even longer shadow than the one she did while alive. But when Roslyn meets the RV full of girls her sister spent her last summer with, she finally has a chance to find answers. The crew’s reality is far from normal. Having been spared from untimely deaths themselves, they travel the country working as reapers on Death’s behalf. Roslyn strikes her own bargain—join the crew and get the answers she’s been searching for.
As fun as a cross-country road trip with an RV full of teenage girls might sound, the novel does not hold back from exploring the realities of loss and mortality. There is a strong undercurrent of found family throughout, of finding support and comfort amongst those who have also experienced loss or witnessed tragedy firsthand. Roslyn even finds the makings of first love amongst the crew (notably in a manner that is completely normalized and does not revolve around a coming out or acceptance plot). In many ways, it captures the messy reality of adolescence—coming to understand the world as you’re still growing into yourself. The mystery at the center of the story drives the plot forward as much as Roslyn’s discovery of a life worth living.
For those wary of the horror genre, the novel is light on scares, leaning more into tragic realism and fantasy elements. If anything, it leans more towards bringing on tears than shocks. With a unique premise and propulsive plot, this is certainly one worth checking out, particularly if you’ve enjoyed Henderson’s previous works.
