I have been eagerly awaiting this book since the moment Jake announced it on Instagram as a YA (arguably, New Adult) novel about a cross-country train journey (shoutout to the Amtrak Empire Builder, which I’ve never ridden anywhere near the distance the route actually spans, but have caught a leg of), an ex-Mormon (samesies), and a lesbian in the midst of a certified Gender Crisis (been there, done that).
A note on SPOILERS: Given the nature of the storytelling in this novel, it’s very difficult to share my thoughts and feelings without spoiling some plot points. For example, even Zoe’s pronouns are something of a spoiler; I will be using they/them pronouns as these are the pronouns Zoe indicates they’d like to try out toward the end of the book, and the epilogue refers to Zoe using gender-neutral terms. I have endeavored to only spoil where I think it’s necessary for the coherence of the review. I will also say: everything I spoil in this review is heavily alluded to before it is revealed in the text, and I genuinely don’t think anyone familiar with the tropes and subject matter covered in this story will be surprised by any of the spoiled bits.
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Readers meet Zoe on the cross-country train, heading home from Cornell University to Seattle for Thanksgiving. Immediately, it’s clear that things are not all well in Zoe’s life, and we find out that they’ve chosen to take the slow train home specifically to give themself a few more days of time before they have to see their family. Why, exactly, they need to put off this reunion is a mystery that unfolds through flashbacks to their recent first semester of college. Though it isn’t directly revealed until much later in the book, it’s obvious within a few flashbacks that college knocked Zoe over the head and left them reeling on several different fronts. After (most of) a semester away from home, they boarded the train with new questions about who they are, what they want, and what comes next.
On the journey, Zoe gathers a cast of colorful characters in the form of her fellow train-travelers, from an elderly couple who take the journey every year, to a nine-year-old girl obsessed with Percy Jackson, to a very intriguing young woman that she can’t help but be fascinated by: Oakley, a young woman who is also returning home to Washington for Thanksgiving, after spending time away from her tight-knit Mormon community and trying to find her own queer path in New York. Though Oakley becomes the primary driver of Zoe’s story throughout the four-day journey, all of the train-travelers play a role as Zoe gains new perspectives, opens up about her time at Cornell, and even throws a train party. The power of forced proximity is a strong one, and not just for romance!
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Leaving the Station wonderfully captures the essence of the experiences of so many young queer folks. That first taste of the “real world” and the mass meeting of new people at college is such a playground for personal exploration, even for young people who come from accepting home lives and may already be comfortable in their identities (or, at least, some aspects). Arlow does a great job of exemplifying the variety of paths available to Zoe as they begin their journey at Cornell. In one direction, the group of cool, confident queer kids Zoe feels immediately comfortable sharing their sexuality with, but makes Zoe question themself because they seem so much more “realized” than Zoe feels. In the other direction, an inexplicably compelling boy who commands a crowd’s attention with his own brand of reckless confidence and makes Zoe feel… something. Behind it all, a student job that quickly becomes one of the only places Zoe feels at ease, the closest thing they find to a passion at Cornell.
I very quickly suspected the true nature of self-proclaimed-lesbian Zoe’s interest in Alden; not sexual or romantic attraction, but gender envy. It took a little while for Zoe to get there, but Arlow lays the building blocks very clearly: Zoe is fascinated by Alden, engrossed in the way he commands a room and carries himself and moves through the world without worry. They start dating Alden but consistently feel weird about it in a way they can’t fully identify or explain. Every instance of Zoe thinking they are attracted to Alden reads like a mental list of traits they would like to copy-paste onto themself. The way Zoe’s slow realization played out felt very real and relatable, and their continued uncertainty around their gender identity even as they become comfortable sharing that there is something going on there (in the present, with Oakley), was also very realistic in my experience.
Oakley, in contrast to Zoe, left home specifically to explore her queer identity outside of a church environment in which she knew she would never be allowed to act on her sexuality. Now, this is an area in which I’m definitely biased and probably have too much personal knowledge, so I’ll try not to get too into the weeds. Overall, I liked Oakley. Her views of the world are, frankly, shockingly progressive for someone raised in rural Eastern Washington, in the Mormon church, who has only been out of the church for a short while. It’s implied that she already held most of these opinions before heading to New York, and that these views, in combination with her queerness, were her primary drivers for leaving. However, I did find myself yelling out loud in my kitchen at the very sympathetic angle she takes on Joseph Smith and his “original vision” for the church during her conversations with Zoe. A few times, it struck me as the framing a missionary would use to “sell” the church, and that left me uncomfortable. It wasn’t a major issue, just something I noted. Overall, the connection between Oakley and Zoe was very clear, even when they bickered. I don’t know that I believe they’re destined for each other, but I definitely buy a “happy for now” for the two of them.
The other major driver of the plot in this story is Zoe’s uncertainty about their path in life, separate from their gender journey. We find out that they don’t plan to return to Cornell–that they had been skipping all of their classes, only going to work and hanging out with Alden. Their trip on the train provides an unexpected (to them) opportunity to work through those feelings and embrace the uncertainty, through the variety of humans from a variety of walks of life that they encounter. People with various experiences and passions in life, people who chose “wrong,” people who dropped everything and restarted, and people who’ve made massive mistakes. Through meeting all these folks on their journey, Zoe works toward accepting that they don’t have to have it all figured out right away, and that they can always pivot.
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All in all, I really enjoyed the coming-of-age journey here, and particularly the main takeaway of Zoe and Oakley’s journey: rarely in life are our paths permanent, and certainly not at 18. It’s okay not to know everything about yourself or what you want for your life. I would highly recommend this novel to anyone in those weird college years, and for anyone who wants to take a little trip back to those years and feel a little more like they’ve got things figured out than they did back then.
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