• Home
  • Browse by…
    • Browse by Genre
      • Children’s
      • Comics
        • Manga
      • General Fiction
        • Adventure
        • Anthologies
        • Crime
        • Fairy Tales
        • Lesbian Pulp Fiction
        • Literary Fiction
        • Novellas
        • Retellings
        • Series
        • Short Stories
        • Thrillers
      • Historical Fiction
        • 1920s
        • Regency
      • Horror
        • Vampires
        • Zombies
      • Mystery
      • Memoirs
      • Nonfiction
        • Biographies
        • Essays
        • History
      • Poetry
      • Romance
        • Butch/Femme
      • Erotica
        • BDSM
      • SFF
        • Sci Fi
          • Dystopia
        • Fantasy
          • Mythical Creatures
            • Mermaids
            • Witches
          • Paranormal
          • Steampunk
          • Urban Fantasy
      • Young Adult
    • Browse by Rating
      • 5 Stars
      • 4 Stars
      • 3 Stars
      • 2 Stars
      • 1 Star
    • Browse by Representation
      • POC Content
        • Main Characters of Color
        • Black Representation
        • Asian Representation
        • Latina Representation
        • Indigenous Representation
      • Authors of Color
        • Black Authors
        • Asian Authors
        • Latina Authors
        • Indigenous Authors
      • Lesbian Representation
        • Lesbian Authors
      • Bisexual Representation
        • Bisexual Authors
      • Trans Representation
        • Trans Authors
        • Nonbinary Representation
      • Asexual Representation
        • Asexual Authors
      • Disability Representation
      • Neurodiverse Representation
      • Mental Health
    • Browse by Reviewer
      • Danika Ellis
      • Alice P.
      • Amanda Růžičková
      • Anna N.
      • Caelin
      • Casey
      • Emilia Ferrante
      • Emory Rose
      • Ire
      • Jamie Rose
      • Jazelle
      • Kathryne Slant
      • Kody
      • Laurel
      • Liv
      • Meagan Kimberley
      • Nat
      • Rachel Friars
      • Raquel R. Rivera
      • Sritama Sen
      • Susan
      • Susanne Salehi
      • Theo
      • Til
      • Vic
  • Recommendations List
  • About
  • Review Policy
  • Support the Lesbrary
  • Advertise with the Lesbrary

The Lesbrary

Sapphic Book Reviews

Lesbrary Reviews

Danika reviews Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan Coyote

May 15, 2017 by Danika Ellis

“I was not ladylike, nor was I manly. I was something else altogether. There were so many different ways to be beautiful.”

– Michael Cunningham, A Home at the Edge of the World, epigraph to Tomboy Survival Guide

I am in love with this book, as I am in love with Ivan Coyote’s writing in general.

First of all, this is a beautiful book just as an object. I love the cover, and there are lots of small details that really add to the design, including the back cover edge being usable as a ruler. Throughout the book, between essays, are diagrams, including a disassembled stand mixer, knot-tying, and pastry-making.

I love Ivan Coyote’s writing because it’s both easy to read and deeply moving. Most of their stories come out of a rural setting, often up north, and they combine that often harsh environment with a kindness and generosity that underlies all their words. In one story, they talk about being one of only two people in a trades class that wasn’t a cis guy, and the harassment they faced. One day, they came in to find that someone had pissed in their toolbox. They cleaned it before class so no one would see them flinch at this.

In this same class, the same day, a guy asks them for relationship advice. They proceed to give possibly the best relationship advice I’ve ever heard, including detailed instructions on both dinner preparation and cunnilingus. The guy came back the next day and gave them the only hug they’d ever seen him participate in. He was beaming. Coyote absorbs this environment’s cruelty and still offers kindness–kindness that pays off, that is multiplied.

This conviction to remain kind even in a cruel world is inspiring to read. It’s not laid out as a philosophy; it’s just apparent behind every story. In one essay, they talk about forgiving their mother for “squeezing” them into things, recognizing that what they read as shame for all those years was actually fear–and wishing that their mother had named it then.

Once I came out, I stayed out. I got a regrettable pink triangle tattoo on my shoulder and plastered Queer Nation stickers on my leather jacket and went to kiss-in protests at the old coffee shop on Commercial Drive. I wanted to fight homophobia everywhere, in everyone. I wanted to Act Up, to act out, to have sit-ins, and not stand for it anymore.

I wish now I has been kinder to my mother about it all.

Ellen moved into a big house in East Vancouver and started to date a guy who played trombone in her jazz quintet. I told her I couldn’t spend too much time with her and all her straight friends anymore lest I by homogenized by their infectious heterosexuality. My politics didn’t leave anyone, including me, a lot of room for nuance, or grey areas.

I wish I had been kinder to a lot of people about it all, come to think of it.

Queer and trans people are often depicted in media as being perpetually teenagers or twenty-somethings. That’s another reason that I appreciate Ivan Coyote’s place in queer lit. They are in their 40s, which means both that they offer a look into a possible queer future for ourselves (it’s hard to imagine your future when none are depicted in media) and that they offer a more nuanced view of queer politics.

One essay that really stood out to me talked about the response they got from their Slate piece about gender neutral bathrooms, and about the harassment they face in public bathrooms. Their piece got shared at the same time on two sites: one, a pray-away-the-gay site, and the other, a “radical feminist” anti-trans site. The odd thing, they said, was how difficult it was to tell from the hateful emails which site the person was from. These are supposed to extreme opposite ends of the political spectrum, and yet the “radical feminists” and ultra right-wing camp sound almost identical. There is an unfortunate amount of TERFs (trans-exclusionary/trans-exterminatory “radical feminists”) on tumblr, and I’m constantly stumbling on their posts and remarking at how conservative their stances are, with minor vocabulary changes.

Of course, as the title would suggest, most of this collection has to do with gender.

But my day-to-day struggles are not so much between me and my body. I am not trapped in the wrong body; I am trapped in a world that makes very little space for bodies like mine. I live in a world where public washrooms are a battle ground, where politicians can stand up and be applauded for putting forth an amendment barring me from choosing which gendered bathroom I belong in. I live in a world where my trans sisters are routinely murdered without consequence or justice. I live in a world where trans youth get kicked out onto the street by their parents who think their God is standing behind them as they close their front doors on their own children. Going to the beach is an act of bravery for me. None of this is a battle between me and my own flesh. For me to be free, it is the world that has to change, not trans people.

I think this would be an excellent book to give both trans/butch/gender-nonconforming people, especially teenagers, but also to give to someone who wants to learn about trans politics and lives, but doesn’t know where to start. Coyote is generous and forgiving in their writing, and despite the almost endless opportunities to respond to a situation with rage, there is very little anger in this book.

Basically, I can’t recommend Ivan Coyote’s writing highly enough, and Tomboy Survival Guide is a superb example of it.

Categories: Lesbrary Reviews
Tags: , danika, essays, gender, ivan coyote, memoirs, trans

Related Posts

Anna reviews Rulebreaker by Cathy Pegau
Rachel reviews Real Easy by Marie Rutkoski
A Tender Foodie F/F Manga: She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat by Sakaomi Yuzaki
Megan Casey reviews The Slayer by Nadine LaPierre
Previous:
Maddison reviews Karen Memory by Elizabeth Bear
Next:
Queer Women Books Out In May!
About Me

About the Lesbrary

The Lesbrary is a sapphic book blog that started in 2010. It's run by Danika Ellis, and we have about a dozen reviewers from around the world recommending sapphic books in every genre. Check out the top navigation bar for more about the Lesbrary as well as options to browse by genre, age category, rating, and more.

Sapphic Book Blogs

  • Bi and Lesbian Literature: The Lesbrary's tumblr
  • Autostraddle's Books Coverage
  • I Heart Sapphfic
  • The Lesbian Review
  • Okazu: Yuri Manga

Queer Book Blogs

  • Book Riot's LGBTQ Coverage
  • Gay League: LGBT Comics
  • Lambda Literary
  • LGBTQ Reads
  • LGBTQ Reads tumblr
  • Our Queerest Shelves: My LGBTQ Books Newsletter at Book Riot.
Theme by SkyandStars.co
Back Top

Copyright © 2025